First of all, I would like to say sorry to my parents, who had high hopes and great expectations when I went away to school to become a writer. Look at me now. 

Now that's out of the way -- did some...uh, research... about each state's favorite sex toy: The 2017 Kink State of the Union. Clever. But, if there are two people out there who know nothing about this, it's me (Shelby) and Scruggs. Actually, most of these things look kind of scary, tbh.

According to this study, Colorado's accessory of choice is called the 'wand.' We don't know what that is, but it sounds like it involves witchcraft. Maybe it helps you put spells on boys you like, and curse the ones you don't. ...Maybe I should get one.

Then, there are our neighbors to the north, Wyoming, who are enjoying using the 'zapper' on one another. Again, we have no idea what this is, and no, I'm not going to Google it. Would likely only use this product if I was gettin' some action from a mosquito.

And, just for the record -- we don't think you should stick anything called a 'plug' into any hole in your body. Lookin' at you, Michigan, Vermont, Kansas and Connecticut. 

Any guesses on what a 'sex ramp' does? Asking for a friend.

Anyway, time for me to clear my browser history. If you're not at work, or you are somewhere no one can see your screen, you can click here to read the full  2017 Kink State of the Union.